Parents day
Teacher:Her results quite good ah.Not bad..all A's and B's?No C??
(scan my report card,spotted my sejarah)Ohh.Only 1 lah...okay ah..
Mum:Got C ah..
Teacher:Aiyah,sejarah,it's understood la.It's all memorising,and some student really cannot..ah...(laughs)
Mum:(her face shows that she wanna say i'm not good enough)She didn't work hard enough la..
Teacher:Wah.To me it's quite good lo.See,she got no.6 in class,and she's quite active in the band right?ahh...
Mum:.......
On the way home
Mum:Actually just now when your teacher say you are quite good I wanted to say "not good enough" de..
Me:......(i just knew it.)
Home
Dad:(looking at my results)Hmmp,your physics so bad ah?And your chemistry ah,better brush up.Wah.Sejarah got C?It's a compulsory subject leh.......
Me:......
During dinner on saturday night
Mum:(talking to aunt about the report card day)...and her teacher help her explain wo..say the sejarah what what what............
Me:......
SPM trial is coming.
Mum has taken to telling me to study whenever she saw me in front of the computer or tv,or when i'm reading story books.
i dislike studying.i don't hate it,but i'm not the studying type.why wun you understand?
i am NOT my sis.i am NOT my cousin.i am ME.Why don't you accept me as me?arghhhh.....
i know that you have higher expectations from me.
i know that it's for my own good,for my future.
But now i felt as though i am studying for mum.
i listen in class and i do my homework la.
it's not that i wanna rebel.ishh!!
i don't like form6.i wanna go study my biotech faster.
But it's not that i don't understand about the financial problem.
i like going to band practices.Playing songs make me forget about most problems,sadness,etc...
i don't go there just because i have to.
Why do you frown and say i need to study and "still have to go meh?" everytime i said i got band practice?
Even if i needn't go,that it's time for my retirement,i still want to go.i like it there.
i know that you want me to put my studies as the priority.Although it isn't my topmost interest.
But.The stress can kill me.
I've felt like giving up many times.
I've felt like rebelling many times.
But i didn't do it,because i don't want to hurt you.
Being a good child is hard.
-feelings vented.
You have to get your priorities straight. You're not studying for mum, you're studying for yourself. Mum always 'nag' you to study when you're facing the PC/TV. You, of everyone should know our financial situation. You reiterated your wishes of not wanting to do Form 6. If you do not want to study Form 6, your next best choice and ONLY choice is to get good results in SPM and then apply for a scholarship/loan. Do you know she's already saving up a sum of money every month just to prepare herself that you're going to college. She's trying her best to send you to college and probably Singapore and there you are saying that she's no acknowledging YOU as YOU. Now you try to think again. You should know, there was NEVER EVER any comparison amongst us siblings. She acknowledges that we're all different and she let us develop our own skils. You seriously think about this and let me know whether what i'm saying is right or wrong. I know it's difficult to handle the stress but mind you, stress can push you to great heights or it can crush you. It's all about your perception. Think hard about it, sis.
ReplyDeleteafter form five no one is going to force you to study~at that time , u might study under your realisation, not through forcing? u ngai mai this few months la, after that u will have nothing to do at all for the next few months and u will feel BORED. haha. add oil~
ReplyDeletebei bei ru...
ReplyDeletejia you o...
try as hard as u can jiu can liao..
dun stress urself o...
gambate!!!