在7月24号的比赛,三德获得了冠军.
这近期来,越靠近比赛,心情就越不好,越黑暗.
到了比赛那天,曾经试过好几次想哭了.
眼睁睁地看着别的队伍练习,彩排,比赛.
一直想起以前和队友们一起在学校练习,在stadium彩排,走formation,等成绩的感觉..
心离知道,自己再也没有机会再做这些事了..
得知比赛成绩后,心情变得复杂.
伤心,因为我在BAND里最后一年竟然没得出赛.
我就要这样带着遗憾毕业了..
开心,因为男朋友得了冠军,他开心,我也替他开心.
嫉妒,这个心情不用解释的吧?
直到现在,心情还是没有平复...
心,还在淌着血..
P/S:Congratulations to Sam Tet,St. Michael and Nan Hwa.
我的老公,daddy,kor,didi,还有其他朋友,
虽然我很嫉妒你们,可能也有点不想你们赢(band里的风风雨雨你们都明白吧?换着是我们赢,你们也会不想吧?),但是还是要恭喜你们.
加油!!为Perak争光,知道吗?
I don't know if i'm allowed to post this,but..AMC you did well!!
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Monday, July 20, 2009
极度不爽!!
最后的争取?
有必要那么可悲吗?
我就知道你们搞不定这件事.
可能这是你们想要的吧.
不理别人的不想..
还可只是一个人的固执,一个人想要..
为什么就不接受??
要是这样那么一开始就好争取了吗..
两样事情都不一样的..
我,早在n年前接受了,那时还得一直用"有得在最后一年当观众,不用辛苦,可以和朋友一起逛"来安慰自己..
现在??当我已经接受,安排,在这情况下找到能让自己开心的东西时,偏偏搞出这解决不掉的东西..
最后一年都不能享受..
可能,你会说你已经试过了,尽力了..
再想一想,有吗?还是没拼了?怕失去些什么吧..
不然,本来就没有心要拼..本来就是很想"争取"..
真的为我们好,就不应该让我们受这种"折磨"..
缺课,受拘束,现丑,一动也不能动地眼睁睁地看着别人做自己再也不会有机会做的事..
我可以要求不要参与吗?
可笑.这还用问的?
可能你会说我自私..
不过,如果是这样的话,自私的不止我一个人..
写blog的定义本来就包括发泄.
有必要那么可悲吗?
我就知道你们搞不定这件事.
可能这是你们想要的吧.
不理别人的不想..
还可只是一个人的固执,一个人想要..
为什么就不接受??
要是这样那么一开始就好争取了吗..
两样事情都不一样的..
我,早在n年前接受了,那时还得一直用"有得在最后一年当观众,不用辛苦,可以和朋友一起逛"来安慰自己..
现在??当我已经接受,安排,在这情况下找到能让自己开心的东西时,偏偏搞出这解决不掉的东西..
最后一年都不能享受..
可能,你会说你已经试过了,尽力了..
再想一想,有吗?还是没拼了?怕失去些什么吧..
不然,本来就没有心要拼..本来就是很想"争取"..
真的为我们好,就不应该让我们受这种"折磨"..
缺课,受拘束,现丑,一动也不能动地眼睁睁地看着别人做自己再也不会有机会做的事..
我可以要求不要参与吗?
可笑.这还用问的?
可能你会说我自私..
不过,如果是这样的话,自私的不止我一个人..
写blog的定义本来就包括发泄.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Not Good Enough
Why am i just not good enough?
Parents day
Teacher:Her results quite good ah.Not bad..all A's and B's?No C??
(scan my report card,spotted my sejarah)Ohh.Only 1 lah...okay ah..
Mum:Got C ah..
Teacher:Aiyah,sejarah,it's understood la.It's all memorising,and some student really cannot..ah...(laughs)
Mum:(her face shows that she wanna say i'm not good enough)She didn't work hard enough la..
Teacher:Wah.To me it's quite good lo.See,she got no.6 in class,and she's quite active in the band right?ahh...
Mum:.......
On the way home
Mum:Actually just now when your teacher say you are quite good I wanted to say "not good enough" de..
Me:......(i just knew it.)
Home
Dad:(looking at my results)Hmmp,your physics so bad ah?And your chemistry ah,better brush up.Wah.Sejarah got C?It's a compulsory subject leh.......
Me:......
During dinner on saturday night
Mum:(talking to aunt about the report card day)...and her teacher help her explain wo..say the sejarah what what what............
Me:......
SPM trial is coming.
Mum has taken to telling me to study whenever she saw me in front of the computer or tv,or when i'm reading story books.
i dislike studying.i don't hate it,but i'm not the studying type.why wun you understand?
i am NOT my sis.i am NOT my cousin.i am ME.Why don't you accept me as me?arghhhh.....
i know that you have higher expectations from me.
i know that it's for my own good,for my future.
But now i felt as though i am studying for mum.
i listen in class and i do my homework la.
it's not that i wanna rebel.ishh!!
i don't like form6.i wanna go study my biotech faster.
But it's not that i don't understand about the financial problem.
i like going to band practices.Playing songs make me forget about most problems,sadness,etc...
i don't go there just because i have to.
Why do you frown and say i need to study and "still have to go meh?" everytime i said i got band practice?
Even if i needn't go,that it's time for my retirement,i still want to go.i like it there.
i know that you want me to put my studies as the priority.Although it isn't my topmost interest.
But.The stress can kill me.
I've felt like giving up many times.
I've felt like rebelling many times.
But i didn't do it,because i don't want to hurt you.
Being a good child is hard.
-feelings vented.
Parents day
Teacher:Her results quite good ah.Not bad..all A's and B's?No C??
(scan my report card,spotted my sejarah)Ohh.Only 1 lah...okay ah..
Mum:Got C ah..
Teacher:Aiyah,sejarah,it's understood la.It's all memorising,and some student really cannot..ah...(laughs)
Mum:(her face shows that she wanna say i'm not good enough)She didn't work hard enough la..
Teacher:Wah.To me it's quite good lo.See,she got no.6 in class,and she's quite active in the band right?ahh...
Mum:.......
On the way home
Mum:Actually just now when your teacher say you are quite good I wanted to say "not good enough" de..
Me:......(i just knew it.)
Home
Dad:(looking at my results)Hmmp,your physics so bad ah?And your chemistry ah,better brush up.Wah.Sejarah got C?It's a compulsory subject leh.......
Me:......
During dinner on saturday night
Mum:(talking to aunt about the report card day)...and her teacher help her explain wo..say the sejarah what what what............
Me:......
SPM trial is coming.
Mum has taken to telling me to study whenever she saw me in front of the computer or tv,or when i'm reading story books.
i dislike studying.i don't hate it,but i'm not the studying type.why wun you understand?
i am NOT my sis.i am NOT my cousin.i am ME.Why don't you accept me as me?arghhhh.....
i know that you have higher expectations from me.
i know that it's for my own good,for my future.
But now i felt as though i am studying for mum.
i listen in class and i do my homework la.
it's not that i wanna rebel.ishh!!
i don't like form6.i wanna go study my biotech faster.
But it's not that i don't understand about the financial problem.
i like going to band practices.Playing songs make me forget about most problems,sadness,etc...
i don't go there just because i have to.
Why do you frown and say i need to study and "still have to go meh?" everytime i said i got band practice?
Even if i needn't go,that it's time for my retirement,i still want to go.i like it there.
i know that you want me to put my studies as the priority.Although it isn't my topmost interest.
But.The stress can kill me.
I've felt like giving up many times.
I've felt like rebelling many times.
But i didn't do it,because i don't want to hurt you.
Being a good child is hard.
-feelings vented.
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